For the ultimate in lazy obesity, might I suggest the candwich? It’s essentially a peanut butter and jelly sandwich squished into a can. That’s Fail #1.

Okay, so this concept seems a little far-fetched, and in fact, it probably is. Fail #2 is the fact that the fool that actually financed this idea apparently is getting sued for fraud for taking real estate money from another scheme to invest in the idiotic concept. The company’s owner still thinks this will end up on store shelves later this year.

Apparently, the investment company’s Web site (makeonefoods.com) was down at the time I wrote this piece, and most likely has been down since the SEC put its own can of calorie-free whoop-ass on the company’s investor.

Teehee. I just read that last line out loud to my husband because I was so proud of it.

BTW, doesn’t the BBQ Chicken one look like icky poo?

(The picture of this tasty looking concoction and its “candy surprise inside” was taken from the NYTimes.com article linked above.)

This past weekend, the @fatroll girls once again spent the weekend enjoying each other’s company while FAILing in the most grandiose way possible.

After the last final weigh-in, we all let this past weekend become a bit of a slackfest. On Friday night, we gathered together to celebrate and to relax with a little bit of champagne and a lot of Gourdoughs. I think we’ve gabbed about this ridiculous gourmet donut shop enough that it may sound like it’s all we eat. It should’ve been. The calories from one of these delicious creations must equate to at least two extra inches in the waist line. Nonetheless, we enjoyed every fat fail minute of it.

Here are a couple of pictures to document the yummy goodness.

On Saturday night, Jenni invited us over for a bit of carb-loading fun paired with the Hangover. She was running the 3M the next day; so we all decided to show our support by eating her amazing bison pasta creation (well, minus myself but there was an equally yummy gluten-free option).

See, we at @fatroll embrace these types of moments as much as possible. As we’ve always said, never deprive yourself of anything and reward yourself when you can. And, yes, the donut does not help in the pursuit of “hottest bikini body” round three; but, we all have five months to figure that out.

We’ve been a bit quiet here at @fatroll, and personally that’s because I’ve had a fork or spoon in my hand since early last week shoveling food into my mouth preventing me from posting.

Yeah, there are way too many fails to document over the past seven days. GUILTY. Totally guilty of falling off the bandwagon and deciding to crawl behind it instead of jumping right back on.

It has been the typical too much food in one sitting syndrome, and I can honestly admit to feeling so disgusted with myself that I’m up at an ungodly hour blogging instead of shopping.

That ladies and gentlemen is the post-Thanksgiving guilt rearing its ugly head. Shopping for clothes would probably just make me cry at this point.

On the bright side, I think I’ve actually hit my climax for the holiday season on food comas. The realization came after watching a clip of Shakira on YouTube. She is one hot chick, and I’m pretty sure I covet her body more than anyone else (well maybe except for my friend Arlette). With that said, the new goal is to achieve THAT (please refer to picture below).

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfTzLzwDlX0]

It’s time to get up and shed what I’ve gained over the past week. In fact, I’m meeting up a friend in a couple of hours at a local gym for a punishment workout.

Soon we’ll all begin to see the ads for gym discounts and starting the new year off by prioritizing our health. I say, why wait? I’m going to look smokin hot for New Year’s..period.

Good luck to everyone emerging from their food comas!

I’ll let Ash blog in detail around the @fatroll celebratory part of the weekend, since she was the winner, but this weekend was a mix of celebrating the end of the contest (food, fun and working out) and my birthday (mostly food).

Friday night, I ate a lot (especially since I only had a frozen dinner for lunch) with fun appetizers (sushi rolls, toostie rolls, cinnamon rolls… seeing a theme here?), yummy grilled salmon and asparagus and rice. For dessert, we had a pumpkin roll concoction that was TO DIE FOR. Seriously, I was in a food coma for the next two hours. And then I maybe had way too much champagne. Eek!

Anywho, Saturday night, we went to Nobu in the Crescent Hotel to celebrate my birthday. Tempura Scallops are my new favorite thing And the sushi was incredibly fresh too.

On my birthday itself, I suffered the most epic of fails. It started with these apple pancake/crepe-like goodness in my mouth for breakfast, then I went to my parents for lunch — where I downed more fat fails. Then we decorated cupcakes for my birthday (FAIL FAIL FAIL) and had steak and shrimp for dinner, where I went into another 2-hour food coma and bed by 9:45 p.m.

Needless to say, it is Tuesday and I’m still not remotely hungry for any type of food. Nor will I be for the forseeable future. I’m pretty sure my weigh-in (along with Ashley’s and Mere’s) will be brutal. Expect Kristine to fare the better of the three of us

Please God. Give me strength not to eat the Tiff’s Treats in front of me at this meeting. I’m weak and can’t take this much longer!

Thursday morning, I was working from home and I found myself gravitating towards the kitchen on almost an hourly basis. Leftover potato chips from the BBQ the prior week, string cheese and leftover cake. My kitchen has turned into an effin’ landmine of fattening foods and the only way to get rid of the stuff is throwing it away (not an option… there are children starving in Africa after all) or eating it.

After downing the remaining two portions of chocolate cake in the span of two minutes, I sat at my kitchen table feeling ashamed. Sort of like the kid who got caught with crumbs all over her face and hand in the cookie jar. Except no parents. Just my guilty, Catholic-ridden conscious reminding me what a total fail I just had.

But I figured out what to do as I stuck my hand in the potato chip bag and then again in the Halloween candy bowl (mental note — don’t ever buy candy more than a month out AND at Costco). Each time I tried to grab a chip or candy bar I would sit there and be like, “Do I really want to do this?” And then the usual response to myself would be, “Eff yeah I do!” Today’s response was “No.” Said outloud that it not only scared myself, but poor Walter. I didn’t even recognize my voice. It was like, Yoda or something coming to me in a vision. “Use The Force, Jenni.” (or in this case, self-restraint)

So the next time you want to cheat on your diet and you find yourself with an angel on one shoulder and the devil (looking quite delish in the form of a chocolate cake) on the other, just yell, “No.” So loud that it scares your co-workers, your husband, or your poor dog. I’m telling you, it works.

Aloha! My family and I were in Hawaii this past week for a much needed vacation. It was my first real vacation since the start of OoCFR, so I was a little nervous about what would happen after a week of laying on the beach, floating in the pool, drinking fruity cocktails and eating way too much.

To try and avoid a huge fat fail on the scale upon my return, I decided to pack some workout clothes so I could hit the hotel gym in effort to counteract the inevitable overeating-while-on-vacation syndrome that I suffer from. The fact that I even THOUGHT to place workout clothes and tennis shoes inside my luggage is a huge win for me. What’s even more shocking is that I gave up some of my precious luggage real estate for something other than heels or a cute purse. I’ve truly changed.

While I’m proud of myself for packing workout clothes and actually hitting the hotel gym twice, (in the past, I had only heard rumors of gyms within hotels and wondered who the hell exercises during vacation?!), I think the massive amounts of calories I consumed each morning at the breakfast buffet probably canceled this out… and then some. Our hotel rooms included free breakfast (normally the price of $50 per person) and my whole family took advantage of this. I’ll spare you the details, but four out of five of us (cough, Josh) ended our breakfast each morning with dessert (usually a chocolate croissant). FAIL! Luckily we were able to skip lunch every day because no one was hungry until well past 6:00 pm.

At least I got back into my routine yesterday with the help of  the 2x week boot camp classes Jenni, Ashley and I now attend. Not only was I able to stay up long enough to attend, but I came in second place during our wall sit competition! Maybe I should workout while jetlagged more often : )

 Here are some pictures from the trip:

Josh’s Breakfast, Day 1 – double that and you’ll get an idea of what my plate looked like.

Us eating again at a luau

And lastly, my sister, Sarah, and I jumping on top of a volcano because I thought I should probably include one non-food related picture.

In honor of my upcoming trip to Hawaii, this week I’ve decided to look into those crazy looking Hawaii Chairs you see on infomercials presumably very late at night or during the day when most people are at work.

The Hawaii Chair is essentially a normal desk chair with a moving seat thanks to a small motor that jerks you around in a circular motion… much like those scary tea cups at Disney World.

I’m skeptical (to say the least), of how effective the chair is for losing weight, but after watching the hilarious commercials on TV , I couldn’t help but post about it. The fact that they show people at work using this gadget is probably the best part. Can you imagine trying to talk to a co-worker who’s sitting on one of these things?!  For $129 plus shipping and handling, I can think of a million better ways to spend your money. Like say a gym membership. Or some cute shoes.

I’m going to have to agree with Geekologie on this one that, this chair is about 5% exercise and 95% ridiculousness (and that’s being very generous). Check out MSNBC for their entertaining review of the Hawaii Chair.

Check out the awesome infomercial:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4]

Great find by Jenni this afternoon. And it’s finally a fat fail that doesn’t involve one of the @FatRoll girls!

Happy Friday.

It was bound to happen. My family and I ventured up to Erie, PA for my grandfather’s 80th birthday (which actually turned into a 100+ person family reunion weekend). Factor in my inability to turn off the emotional eating button when celebrating, and it was a recipe for disaster from the beginning. My only option for dinner on Friday was pizza or salad. What would you pick in that situation? Yep, that’s what I thought. Oh, and birthday cake! Let’s not forget birthday cake.

On Saturday we all met again at the “beach” which is actually a sandy area on the side of Lake Erie for some breakfast. This consisted of donuts, home fries with bacon, eggs, fruit (why bother at this point?!) and more bacon on the side in case the home fries didn’t cut it for you.

While giving my husband a tour of lovely Erie in our rental Hummer (this is a whole other story in itself), my family stumbled upon Whippy Dip ice cream stand which is an institution in our family after years of annual summer trips to see my mom’s family. Needless to say, we all decided we’d be having ice cream for lunch. Josh was horrified.

Later that evening, we all convened again for a family fish fry at my uncle’s. By Sunday morning I threw in the towel and tried to get back on track with one of the only two healthy options our restaurant had to offer – two eggs and sliced tomatoes.

I’m feeling a little better now that Christi made us do lunges around our pilates studio building last night, but this is still going to be one tough weigh in week.